Chapter 11 “The Pioneer is the one with the arrows sticking out of his ass”

This is why you never want to lead, why you always want to follow. Why it is in fact better to watch someone else launch a new product first. I mean, what if it fails. “Spit on first mover advantage”. Sit back, wait to see if there is actually a market for that thing. Then just before your boss comes looking for you to find out why you have let the competition gain the advantage, you simply steal their idea, launch a competing product that leverages their immense investment in brand building and watch not only your sales but your profit margin shoot through the roof. You may never be number one, but you won’t have any holes in your butt either.

Chapter 10 “We need to plan the plan so that we have a strategic plan”

The fun part of any meeting is actually feeling all the hot air that escapes from the vastly more intelligent and superior people than you who feel they simply have to make a statement or must contribute to the meeting. Usually the whole thing devolves into a series of contradictory statements and filled-up flip charts (wish I had the franchise for markers). And the more stressful the situation, the less the humour...the more the charts look like unintelligible The inevitable outcome is that the meeting must end with an action plan that everyone nodds and says yes they will support. But immediately after the meeting adjourns, if you listen really carefully you will inevitably hear the muttering, “Not a snowballs chance in hell that I am going to support that crazy plan…but this binder will take up some space on my shelf”

Chapter 9 “We need to keep our options open…but we need to decide right now”

Close cousin to “Hurry up and wait”. Usually uttered by sales types. After endless hours of listening to the drone of the ‘challenges’ that need to be overcome. Of course the best thing about a large organization is that you never actually have to make a decision. In fact, it is best never to actually have to make a decision. And if you can get away with it, to never put yourself into any position where you may have to make a decision. Decision makers don’t get rewarded…they get more work.
The real reason though is that individuals don’t actually matter in an organization. The team, ah, the team. That is the answer. To ensure that all the options are kept open, and look brilliant in the process, suggest this as the ultimate answer to making the decision.

Chapter 8 “Big dog in the house”

This is in fact the only effective way to actually get something approved. Have the most senior client at the table to make the final decision. And yet it is not with its hurdles. First of all, your client is likely three rungs down the hierarchy. He gave you the original brief which of course has been massaged beyond any hope of actually being able to deliver any creative that will actually engage the target customer. The big dog of course never actually read the brief: he will know great creative when he sees it. And this is not to be your day.

Second, if the big dog client is at the table, rest assured that the big dog agency guy is going to be there as well. And since he has some many years of experience and gobs of knowledge, he actually doesn’t need to review the brief either. Yes, yes, he will know great creative when he too sees it.

A flash streaks through your mind: why don’t we let the two big dogs just meet over lunch and decide what they want to do. While this is what will eventually happen, it is unfortunately necessary to go through the charade of actually believing that any of the underlings actually have a pov that anyone wants to listen to.