My 1st 10K

How hard can it be to run 10 kilometres? 10,000 metres. On city streets in familiar neighbourhoods. In a crowd of other runners just out for fun.

My mistake was that I was actually going to do this in a competition with my client.

Bad Idea!

He was a serious runner. In top, ‘ripped’ shape. He worked out with weights! He had his Walkman (this was of course well before Ipods).

I assembled for the anticipated start alongside him at the 4 minute / kilometer marker. Seriously naïve optimist. And to make matters worse, I had set my Timex watch to beep at 4-minute intervals. I was sure that after 10 beeps I would be crossing the finish line.

Horn sounded. We were off.

Good pace for the first 3 kilometers. Adrenalin. Lots of people around. Lots of early race excitement. Beeps every 4 minutes more or less coinciding with the kilometer markings.

This was going to be easy. Why hadn’t I done this before?

Looking back, it was easy to see where the plan started to go awry. At the time I was clueless.

Around the first water station, I slowed to grab a cup. Gulped it down and tried to get back up to pace. Breathing a little ragged for a hundred metres or so. Noticed a few runners passing me. Strange.

The next 4 minute signal went off. Hmmm…where’s the kilometer marker? Nowhere in sight. Better pick up the pace. Oops.…legs not responding.

Sweating now. Breathing more shallow and ragged. Slowing down…running in slow motion as more and more runners began to pass me.

5 km mark. Dam. I was never going to finish this stupid race!

Don’t remember kilometer 6 to 8. Do remember the infernal beep from the Timex. Had no idea where I was and at what pace I was running. Knew that my original target time had gone out the window. Prayed that I wouldn’t cross the finish line last. Desperate to do it now in under an hour. (Yes, even in that distressed state, my mind could still do the math).

At 9 kilometres showing 54 minutes on my wrist, I realized I had a chance.

Learned there and then that the mind is the most powerful thing.

Picked up the pace. Ignored the pain in my legs and my chest. Pushed. Made it with 30 seconds to spare.

Never went looking for my client.

Isuzu Imark

They were actually a player in the automotive industry once. And although they were known for their trucks (Trooper’s and Rodeo’s…more about those in a later story), at one time in the late 1980’s they were in the car business.

This is about the 3-door sports coupe with the badge of honour: “Handling by Lotus”. Yes, somehow, Isuzu’s management had convinced Lotus to massage the suspension and other handling bits to produce a well-balanced pocket rocket. Best kept secret in the industry.

The experience that still brings back goose bumps occurred at the long gone racetrack east of Vancouver. The client-sponsored exclusive event for the new Dealer network was set up to showcase the performance of the vehicles. Classroom sessions combined with track time.

The highlight of this particular event involved being driven around the track by real racing drivers. They took us out individually and demonstrated the full performance envelope of each vehicle. The pinnacle point of the day was the ride at near race speeds in the Lotus-massaged Isuzu Imark.

Three laps. Warm up, hot lap and cool down. Not sure if that was for the passenger or the car.

My turn. Race helmet on. 3-point seatbelt tightly cinched. Really tight. Final instructions: brace feet firmly in foot well; hold on. Only took until the first corner of the warm up lap for those instructions to kick in.

Out of the pit lane, accelerating up to the first corner and sharply across the apex down the hill and we were off.

The warm up lap went quickly. Too quickly. The driver handled the car at 12 –10ths of my ability. And this was the warm-up lap!

Remember coming back up the pit straight past the start/finish line and my driver mentioning casually that we were now going to accelerate up to speed. First corner coming up quickly now. Gentle falling away right-hander. Brake. Brake! BRAKE!! Car tossed sharply across the apex, right wheels riding the curb. Don’t remember if he touched the brakes.

Accelerating hard again down hill toward corner two. Sharp right-hander. Driver side wheels now riding the curb setting up for the corner. Still accelerating. Driver actually talking calmly explaining what he was doing. Don’t remember what he said. Screaming in my mind for him to use the brakes. Instead, shifted down through two gears. With a quick stab at the brakes in between. To ‘neutralize’ the balance he said. To get my heart racing I wanted to yell back!

Quick right turn of the steering wheel and we were drifting sideways. Right wheels aggressively over the curbs now. Me holding on with both hands. Both feet braced. Bum off the seat. Screaming for delight in my head.

Don’t remember much after that. Learned that you can sweat sitting still.

Cooldown lap a serious anti-climax.

What a rush!

Things You Wish You Could Say At Work…

Often I get caught not being able to think of a witty rebutal. No longer! Below are a number of sayings you can confidently select from depending on the situation:

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of S.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re saying.
10. Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited you again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder – my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Oh I get it…like humour…but different.

2004, 141 - 158

· What’s the net net
· Circle back
· the ‘Hope and Pray’ Strategy
· Sit Anal (Situation Analysis)
· Presentation without demonstration is just conversation
· Food for thought
· Partner with the Partners
· When the puppy drops
· Take the haircut
· Brie and Chablis
· I am going to take your idea and put it in my parking lot
· Guessing intuitively
· Lets do some numbers
· Challenge
· Let’s capture that